Most couples at one point or another deal with jealousy to some degree. It is a common occurrence in many relationships. Jealousy, also known as the green-eyed monster, can create a rift in a relationship, causing distrust and hurt feelings. Most women expect their man to be at least a little jealous from time to time. However, some women have the unfortunate luck to fall in love with a guy who has severe jealousy issues. So how can you tell the difference between a guy who can be occasionally jealous from a guy who is paranoidly so? Here are some signs that your guy may be a victim of the green-eyed monster.
He keeps tabs on you
It is quite natural to ask your partner where they are going and when they might be home. You want to know what they do when they are not with you. But if your guy calls you fifteen times a day to ask where you are and who you are with, that is not a good sign. Men with out-of-control jealousy issues want to know exactly where you were at what time of day. They want to know not just who you were with but what you said. He may even accuse you of talking about him. This is a controlling behavior and can make you feel like you are under house arrest with an ankle monitor.
He is never wrong
Men who wrestle with jealousy can have very aggressive personalities and have trouble admitting when they are wrong. "A jealous person gives the impression of being a very self-confident person," explains Paul A. Hauck, clinical psychologist and author of Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness, but it really stems from a low self-esteem and overwhelming insecurity.
You can't have friends
Men with jealousy issues want to control not just where you go and when, they want to control who you talk to. They feel the need to dictate who you can see. Any friends and family that they do not like are immediately scratched off the list. Guy friends are always the first to go because they cannot stand the idea of you speaking to another guy. It's called "suspicious jealousy", one which is not based on what you did or may have done, but rather is based on imagined threats. It is an ongoing cycle and if a woman is not careful, she will soon find that she can't have any friends at all and may even be ordered not to see her family.
He gets mad when you don't include him
Men with severe jealousy issues want to be involved in everything you do. This is one reason they grill women about their day. Therefore when a woman makes plans that do not include their guy, the man is going to get mad because he is hurt. It all goes back to their level of insecurities.
His jealousy causes him to get violent
Violence tends to go hand in hand with jealousy in men. Because they have not learned to control their jealousy, their frustration causes them to lash out around them. "Most jealous persons register their grievances loudly and clearly. They scream at their partners, smack them around, and hassle them shamelessly. Men have smashed their furniture or put their fist through walls," says Hauck. If your guy tends to hit things when he gets jealous, then you have a serious problem.
How to deal with his jealous antics
"Jealousy eventually can be very destructive to a relationship so it's important to prevent it from heading out of control," cautions Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey, a relationship counsellor and sexologist. Talk to your guy and let him know that you do not like his controlling attitude. Tell him how it makes you feel and reassure him that you still love him but his jealousy is causing problems between you.
But remember, if you want your guy to trust you, don't have anything to hide. "You should be an open book," says Dr. Phil McGraw, psychologist and TV personality. "Respect your partner enough to let him/her know where you are, when you will be back, and what you're doing."
Another important step is not to give in to unreasonable demands: "They get a control fix every time you reassure them, every time you answer the phone to report on your whereabouts," adds McGraw. "If he calls you 10 times to check in on you, answer the phone once to offer information, then turn it off." Know when to say no. Being submissive and trying to please them only encourages their behavior.
Your jealous man may just feel like you are ignoring him. Reserve some private time with him when you can connect as a couple. Stay home together or go some place alone where you won't be interrupted by friends and family. However, if nothing works and your man is still acting all green, get out of the relationship because chances are he will make your life miserable and end up alienating you from everyone who cares about you.