Friday, May 23, 2008
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A quick laugh for 5 mins
Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher : Why?Student : There is no future in it
.............. .......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths..
Ted : You don't know my father!
............ .......... .......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now
.............. .......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... .......... ......... .......... .......... ........
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash ofbreaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything
............. ......... ........... .......... ......... ......... ......... ........
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?' Only one hand shot up. 'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher. ''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?''
They are all below 'C' (sea) level'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A favour to ask, it only takes a minute....
Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
Have a good laugh!!!
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610" ====================================
Ah Beng : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.Friend: Really, what is he studying.Ah Beng: No he is not studying, they are Studying him. =============================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game. ===============================================
Ah Beng : If I die will u remarry?Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister =========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"Wife: How do you know??Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U havecome again.. ===========================================
Ah Beng complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing, Except the TV in my house.Police: How the thief did not take TV???Ah Beng : I was watching TV news.... =========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"He Writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 complement"
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erasesthe board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecastannounced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand itwould be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says"Hello, how did you know I was here?"
Ah Beng - why r all these people running?Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only winner will get the cup, why others running?*****************************************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense AhBeng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"
Ah Beng told his servant: Go and water the plantsServant: It's already rainingAh Beng : So what? Take an umbrella and go.
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening
and not in the morning? Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of marriage. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "blissful marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for our honeymoon. Having decided to go horse riding, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a little wild. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". Again she climbed on the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time again she calmly said, "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho.. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "That's it. We have lived happily together since then. "
What is marketing
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ' I am very rich. Marry me! ' - That's Direct Marketing'
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ' He's very rich. 'Marry him.' -That's Advertising'
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich. 'Marry me - That's Telemarketing'
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:'By the way, I'm rich. Will you 'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations'
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:'You are very rich! 'Can you marry ! Me?' - That's Brand Recognition'
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - ' That's Customer Feedback '
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband. - 'That's demand and supply gap'
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market share'
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives. - ' That's restriction for entering new markets '
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Simply read from bottom to top.
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income..
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where where they are. You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and high bovine productivity. You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You signed a 40-years contract to supply milk at 0.06 per lit. Then midway you raised the price to 0.60 or you cut supply. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now wants 1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows. Your two cows retire together with the PM.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. One cow-peh and one cow-bu.
Evening at 9 - 11pm: is the time for eliminating unnecessary/toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes). This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.
Evening at 11pm - 1am: is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 1 - 3am: detoxification process in the gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 3 - 5am: detoxification in the lungs. Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time.. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.
Morning 5 - 7am: detoxification in the colon, you should empty your bowel.
Morning 7 - 9am: absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30am, for those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit . Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late until 9 - 10am rat! her than no meal at all.
Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late.
Reasons for sleeping and waking up early.
TAKE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH
The top five cancer-causing foods are:
1. Hot dogs Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can't live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.
2. Processed meats and bacon Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.
3. Doughnuts Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.
4. French fries Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .
5. Chips, crackers, and cookiesAll are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fa ts generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.
BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS
1. No Breakfast People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
3. Smoking It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.
5. Air Pollution The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.
6. Sleep Deprivation Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.
7. Head covered while sleeping Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.
8. Working your brain during illness Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.
9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.
10. Talking Rarely Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain
The main causes of liver damage are:
1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil.. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver. Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to 'schedule.'
Following the successful launch of Property-SearchOnline.com, you are cordially invited to visit our forum and join our community today!
By joining our community, you will be able to :
- Create and manage your property advertisements with images for FREE!
- Monitor market value of your properties
- Create and manage property subscription alerts
- Receive latest property-related news
- Earn reputation points by providing excellent service
- Earn reputation points by answering property related questions
- Buy / Sell / Rent your properties fast
- Earn commissions as a referral
- Recruit Property Consultants
Real estate / property agents who are keen to explore partnership opportunities with us are most welcome to send in your inquiries and proposals to firstname.lastname@example.org
Visit Singapore Real Estate and Property Forum today!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:
Dear Cousins, I am sending Ah-ma body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ah-ma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong.
Please divide these among all of you. On Ah-ma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ah-ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves.
The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah-ma is wearing are for the boys.. The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ah ma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty, Ah ma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins. Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong also not felling well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too...
Beware of Mirrors in Hotels or Public Washroom! Because you never know!
How to determine if a mirror are 2 way or not (Not a Joke!) Not to scare you, but to make you aware.
A policewoman who travels all over the US and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed this on.
HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR:
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc. How many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them).There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it.So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at?
Just conduct this simple test:
Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror.However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, FOR IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!!
So remember , every time you see a mirror, do the 'fingernail test.' It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do, and it might save you from getting 'visually raped'! This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass. As a two-way mirror, the silver is on the surface. Keep it in mind!
DON'T THROW YOUR ATM RECEIPT AWAY
BE WARY: TRUE STORY
Sharing this info.
Since all of us have ATM card(s), i would like to share this important news.My friend saw a man before at Novena MRT ATM trying to get all the receipts out of the ATM bin. Please read the following message from a friend of mine, it's true. Please be careful, it's not a joke.......
Be careful when u draw cash from ATM with receipt which complete with your account number. Never, never throw the receipt in the public even if u must tear into small pieces before throwing it away. Today, just got a call from my sister that she had lost all her cash from her account whereby she threw the receipt into the bin provided at ATM recently.
Luckily, she only has $633/= in her account. Not much of suspicious when she was left with $11/= because she thought it was her petrol GIRO payment, however, that's not true. She only got to know it when the petrol company, mobil cut-off the petrol card's transaction that she realized something is wrong. After checking with the bank, she was told that now there is this syndicate who will pick up the ATM receipt & with their IT expert, they are able to draw out your money. The bank will not be able to trace where these people had drawn the money & how they do it, don't ask me, even the bank also can't answer it. They only can advise you to report the case to the police for investigation.
Bottled water in your car.....very dangerous, woman!!!! This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer. She was on the Ellen show and said this same exact thing. This has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels in breast cancer, especially in Australia .
A friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer said that the Doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.
The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer. So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car, and, pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know and be aware and just might save us!!!! The heat causes toxins from the plastic to leak into the water and they have found these toxins in breast tissue.
Use a stainless steel Canteen or a glass bottle when you can!!!
A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.
It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls,career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.
Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days. "Jack, did you hear me?" "Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.
"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him. "I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said. "You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said "He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...
Mom, I'll be there for the funeral,"Jack said.. As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away. The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.
Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture.... Jack stopped suddenly. "What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.
"The box is gone," he said "What box?" Mom asked. "There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tellme was 'the thing I value most ,'" Jack said. It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it. "Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."
It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day, Jack discovered a note in his mail box. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read. Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.
"Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside. "Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett..It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover.
Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser." "The thing he valued most was...my time"! ; Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked. "I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away," Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true..
01. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
02. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way!
03. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
04. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
05. You mean the world to someone.
06. If not for you, someone may not be living.
07. You are special and unique.
08. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.
09. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.
14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great. Send this letter to all the people you care about, if you do so, youwill certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life...for the better.
DON'T LAUGH, YOUR TIME WILL COME !!!!!
Three old guys are out walking.First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair."Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks."Will you get me abowl of ice-cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?" He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice-cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whippedcream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice-cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of baconand eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
An elderly gentleman...Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% .The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newbornbaby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him."I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.""Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?""Twelve thirty."
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical check-up . A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice-cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?""No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"" Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is thegroom wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She gotup,brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered,"Call for backup."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as thought he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.
- Parsing contact details into an easy to view grid for quick screening
- Transferring all resumes seamlessly into your favourite ATS with one click
please follow the guide.
1. First close one of your eye .
2. Move your mouse point at the red *.
3. Right click at the red *.
4. Then go (select all).
5. Then u'll see the result.
People ask you to do something and u do it without applying your mind ;)
YOur eye sight is allright,But YoUr Mind has gOt a Problem hehehehe .. Ha..HA..HA.. !!!
BEWARE OF FRIED FOOD
This is a REAL TRUE STORY... and also saw loon told me it happended to her place to Kedah.. tunjang.. i think.. it happended to us too, in PERLIS (titi chai kangar..the pasar malam area where they always selling GORENG PISANG in the noon ..) Mom said , my uncle saw they fried the GORENG PISANG they added the STRAW ( which we use to drink water) and melted into HOT OIL before fried that why, the GORENG PISANG, GORENG UBI... etc all very crispy for hours... And, my uncle could not explain why, and he asked them , they just keep quite... and then whem my uncle told my mom, and we realized this is how to make the foods crispy for a while.. my mom said, becareful of Thailand stuffs too, eg: Crispy Ikan Bilis, Crispy fried onions ..which if u leave in the open air for hours still crispy..
Like in CANADA, our place only, we only rain 5-times or less a YEAR. so , if we leave our breada in open air overnight, next day it will really crispy...otherwise it will never..because the environment here is very dry.. but in Malaysia, it should not be because too moisture there...
Pls forward to all your friend.. DO NOT EAT CRISPY FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD esp from the hawker !.. try leave it in the open air for hours and see..
Here's another one: the world is changing,i read some news... oh my my... not only the chinese are wicked but everywhere... here the news comes... i have been to cameron highlands with my family, it was 3 pm ++ we are hanging around the market area, we saw many hawker stall doing their business, suddenly something attracted me... one of the stalls, there was a big wok of oil, there was a half-5-litre empty oil bottle on it... it's melting slowly in the hot frying oil... i was freak out, i thought it was an unintentional act by a 7-yr-old girl .... but when i looked at it closely, i saw a pair of chopstick stiring the bottle.. seemed like it was purposely... immediately, i asked my family to come and check it out... at that moment, the parents of the girl who sat beside, were looking at us ferociously.
oh my god... they using melted plastic to fry food... the reason is the tit bits will not soften after placing for sometime due to plastic had been harden after melted... experiment had been done as below. one without plastic food is kind of soft after a while add plastic, and fry another once again... it crispier than KFC !!
please stop eating this hawker's fried food... ask your mummu to fry if u want to eat.. this is their secret receipe....
A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children was asked, "What does love mean?"The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could haveimagined.
--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears iteveryday" (Tina - age 7)
--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone elsekissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)
--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)
--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8)
--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." (Chrissy - age 6)
--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." (Terri - age 4)
--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)
--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6)
--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was theonly one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age8)
--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine -age5)
--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." (Mary Ann - age 4)
Love............Is not only made for lovers........ it's also for friends who luv each other sometimes better than lover. Smile and spread some love today. :-) Hence always try to make others smile no matter what pain u r thru..............................................
After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug to 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read:
"US scientists have found traces of 2000-year-old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephones 1000 years earlier than the Russians.."
One week later, the Singapore newspapers reported the following :
"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Singaporean scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology."
has any1 tried before?
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
2) Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock.. Saves someone from having todrive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'
3) Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.
4) How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.